Being a mother and being able to stay home with my children is unquestionably a priceless privilege and a blessing. Yet, even knowing these things in my head and my heart, there are days when I grow tired, when I'm exhausted, when I'm weak, when I'm empty, when I feel I have nothing left to give, when I dream of days to myself, when I feel my kids got the short end of the stick in me for a Mom, and when I question and wonder if God *really* knew what he was doing when he entrusted me with so much.
Have you been there?
Have you been down in the valley where the fog was so dense you lost clear vision?
As I have been preparing for the upcoming school year by researching curricula, making selections, chatting on yahoo, mentoring to others, creating new schedules, and perusing the many catalogs, God impressed upon my heart that I was missing something - not just "
something" but a most important something - renewing my vision.
Busyness can sometimes masquerade as productiveness, and our vision for our families, our children, ourselves - can become clouded by responsibility, duty, mundane, routine, "ought-to's" and "should have's", leaving us overwhelmed and defeated - forgetting to bring things back into focus.
Focus, in light of His Word.
In "A Mother's Heart", Jean Fleming paraphrases 1 Corinthians 13. . .
If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do nothing to show love for my family - I'm just another housewife.
If I'm always producing lovely things- sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family - I am nothing.
If I'm busy in community affairs, teach Sunday school, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family - I gain nothing.
Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes - over and over again. Love it kind, though tired and frazzled. Love doesn't envy another wife, one whose children are "spaced" better or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests. Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother. Love doesn't scream at the kids. Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted today - sew, read, soak in a hot tub. Love doesn't lose my temper easily. Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating. Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good. Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.
And then there's this beautiful paraphrase for homeschool Moms by fellow blogger Misty Krasawski. . . (in fact, I printed this one off for my notebook this year!)
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and teach my children Latin conjugations, Chinese and Portuguese, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal, and no matter what I say, they will not hear me.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know my children’s bents and God’s plan for their lives, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and am the keeper of the teacher’s editions and solutions manuals, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, and even keep up with my giant piles of laundry and dishes, but do not have love, I am nothing, even if all the people at church think I’m Supermom.
And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and my formal dining room gets turned into a schoolroom and our family vacations look more like educational field trips, and if I surrender my body to be burned, never having time to get my nails done, put makeup on or even take a bath, but do not have love, it profits me nothing, because all my family cares about is the expression on my face, anyway.
Love is patient with the child who still can’t get double-digit subtraction with borrowing, and kind to the one who hasn’t turned in his research paper. It is not jealous of moms with more, fewer, neater, more self-directed, better-behaved or smarter children. Love does not brag about homemade bread, book lists, or scholarships and is not arrogant about her lifestyle or curriculum choices. It does not act unbecomingly or correct the children in front of their friends. It does not seek its own, trying to squeeze in alone time when someone still needs help; it is not provoked when interrupted for the nineteenth time by a child, the phone, the doorbell or the dog; does not take into account a wrong suffered, even when no one compliments the dinner that took hours to make or the house that took so long to clean.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness or pointing out everyone else’s flaws, but rejoices with the truth and with every small step her children take in becoming more like Jesus, knowing it’s only by the grace of God when that occurs.
Love bears all things even while running on no sleep; believes all things, especially God’s promise to indwell and empower her, hopes all things, such as that she’ll actually complete the English curriculum this year and the kids will eventually graduate, endures all things, even questioning from strangers, worried relatives, and most of all, herself.
Love never fails. And neither will she. As long as she never, never, never gives up.
Jean Fleming goes on to say, "When I realize God calls me to actively teach my children, I view my teaching responsibility more seriously and keep alert for anything that will help me in my teaching - for learning opportunities. Instead of the dry taste of duty, I find a sense of encouragement, excitement, and challenge."
"For most of us the ability to recognize and use everyday happenings to teach our children doesn't come naturally. It is a skill that must be developed and honed. Like most skills it requires conscious, diligent effort if we are to realize our potential as teachers."
"If our commitment to our role as a mother languishes, this may be true not because the job is too small or unchallenging but because our vision is too small. Our dreams for our task may be thin and weak. We fail to hear God's call and miss the broad scope of the possibilities before us. We focus instead on the routine activities and demands - changing diapers, potty training, cleaning up messes, telling the kids for the fifth time not to slam the door - and miss any sense of a higher calling"
As the new school year approaches, take time to get quiet, to get alone with God, and to pray over and ponder the question we began with. . .how's your vision?
May we each come away refilled, refreshed, renewed and ready to carry on!
~ Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18 ~
